I go within
to the place of sacred stillness
where time no longer exists
and in the space behind space,
in the pause of my breath,
I meet you in divine silence,
merging into oneness,
touching the infinite,
lost in love.
~𝖪𝖬𝖲
Tag: abundance
Winter Retreating: Books, TV, fear, anxiety, and finding flow.
I realized today that I had yet to write an entire blog post since December 30th. I wondered for a moment how that could have happened when I set up reminders to write at least once a week. Clearly, I have been ignoring my reminders.
It did not take too much pondering to figure out what happened to my almost consistent schedule.
LEISURELY LIVING
I slow down even more in the winter. Lazy evenings curled up with a good book -I’ve managed six since January 1st! An even mix of fiction and non-fiction that kept me hooked. The last book I read, This is Your Mind on Plants by Michael Pollen, was not what I expected. I thoroughly enjoy this discourse on how particular chemicals in plants have the ability to alter our lives for good or ill. The section regarding caffeine was delightfully engaging, to say the least. Pollen’s comments on the evolution of plants are very thought-provoking and make one wonder if humans are as innovative or advanced as we like to think. I highly recommend picking up this best-selling tome. Now in-between books, trying to decide what to read next as I am waiting for a book to call to me, as one always does.
Meanwhile, while I deliberate whether I dive into fiction or non, hubby and I are watching some binge-worthy tv. Our obsession is Shrinking and Ted Lasso, and both shows share writer Brett Goldstein who also plays foul-mouthed Roy Kent on Lasso. Of course, my favorite character! The show is delightful, and Jason Sudeikis is a trip to watch. We could all learn a little from his character. The empathy and kindness shown in moments of upheaval allow us to see there is always a higher path from which to act. The writers brilliantly move through topics such as divorce, anxiety, and coming to terms with one’s flaws in a way that touches the heart and tickles the funny bone. Yes – I have cried in every episode, usually followed by laughter that brings tears to my eyes. We are very much looking forward to season 3 only a month away!
W.B. DROPS BY FOR A VISIT
Anyway, I set aside time each weekend for writing, but recently, my friend writer’s block decided to visit. This used to frustrate me to no end, and I would attempt to force words to flow. Of course, this approach doesn’t work with words or life. We cannot force anything to happen and expect a pleasant outcome. Everything in its own time.
I sit at my laptop bright and early Sunday mornings, intent on bringing to life a new meditation, blog post, or next chapter of one of the two books I am working on. Sometimes I manage one sentence and find myself stuck. When this happens now, I walk away. If I continue to attempt to write well-developed content, it usually sounds choppy without any flow. Thus, it becomes an emotionless diatribe that begs to be deleted.
The other conundrum that precludes me from keeping a consistent schedule is migraines. It is impossible to think, let alone scribe a meaningful paragraph when your skull is throbbing, and there is a sensation of spiders crawling across the brain, not to mention the crazy visual disturbances and cognition issues. I am lucky if I can spell my name.
The relationship between my illness and path is not one of cause and effect; these aspects arise mutually when viewed from a witness perspective.
KMS
FLOW
So I no longer set goals or deadlines. When things happen, they happen. I choose not to view myself as the victim of my health. Although challenging, my condition has allowed me to have patience and become more in tune with my body, mind, and spirit. If not for the migraines, I would not have found this path, which includes meditation, reiki, and yoga.
The relationship between my illness and path is not one of cause and effect; these aspects arise mutually when viewed from a witness perspective. It sounds cliche to insist that we discover our strengths through our weaknesses, yet it is profoundly true. Hardships arise when we are called to express our authentic truth. Do we have the wherewithal to open ourselves to the possibility of self-forgiveness and growth? Can we stand aside from our bias and see the situation from all sides, dropping the act of victimhood and taking responsibility for our choices and life path?
The things we want to bury and look away from become stepping stones to freedom if we muster the courage to face them head-on. It comes down to how we choose to deal with fear. I do not believe that FEAR is false evidence appearing real. FEAR is real. It is an evolutionary trait that assists in keeping us safe from harm. The problem lies in allowing fear to develop into anxiety. When we turn away from the fear instead of exploring it from a safe space, we can unwittingly encourage it to transform into debilitating stress and anxiety. Please do not think you should go at this alone. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your fears and learn how to shift your perspective toward transformation instead of stagnation. Fear can be used as a catalyst for change in the correct set and setting.
Remember, everyone experiences setbacks, anxiety, and fear at some point. Our human existence is a tapestry of emotion and experience uniquely our own yet shared by all. Again, by reminding myself of this interconnectedness, I can extricate myself from my thoughts and feelings, creating space for growth and understanding which invites me to live a more conscious life.
If you need help with anxiety, fear, or other mental health-related issues, please check out SAMHSA’s National Helpline.
Farewell 2022
Another year has rolled past and for me it was at times a painfully slow roll. It reminded me of a class in college almost 25 years ago. The professor was a mild mannered, aging hippy; complete with ponytail tied, not with a rubber band, but a piece of old leather cording. I was a geology major and just as granola as the professor. He was very knowledgeable and the cadence of the class, stratigraphy, was on par with how long it to for the strata we looked at to have morphed from sand to stone.
The classes and field trips were well planned and enjoyed by most. (As I am sure, dear reader, you are aware that there are always a few humans who need to complain no matter what.) Anyway, about two weeks into classes, as we were learning about the law of superposition, our quiet peaceful professor suddenly turned from the chalk board (yes, there were chalkboards in college-that’s how old I am) and began a rant about his ex wife, loudly, emphatically with gesticulations and maybe spittle.
Then just as fast as it began, it was over and he turned back to the chalk board continuing the lesson as if the whole diatribe never happened. Clearly he was a catastrophist! A uniforitarian would never exploded like that!
These outbursts happened randomly in every class I had with this professor. Initially it was shocking- was he crazy? A few screws loose? Overtime we adjusted to it and it became a normal part of his classroom experience.
The effusive eruptions didn’t make him a bad teacher, on the contrary it showed depth, a story- more than meets the eye. He wasn’t just an aging hippy teaching a bunch of ungrateful kids. This man had a life, hopes, fears, dreams. The outbursts were breadcrumbs leading the inquisitive on down the path of human experience just as the eruptions of pain and confusion I encountered this past year, were breadcrumbs leading me deeper into the mystery of my deteriorating health.
By following the trail, patterns began to emerge; both with my health and the life of my professor. Allowing a patience to settle over me- I am able to see more clearly into the patterns of detail. By pausing and stepping back, becoming the witness, I can see the forest through the trees, blossoming with awareness.
The shifting moods, subtle yet complex, were easily noticed by anyone paying attention. My professor suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety. The outbursts were his coping mechanisms when not wanting to take meds; a full release of energy- and a prompt return to normal.
Was there a clue here for me? My confusion, tremors and other symptoms had to be breadcrumbs leading me to the path of healing. I only needed the patience to persevere and not play the victim to my heath. With the belief firmly established that healing begins within, I used these random outbursts of bizarre symptoms to discover the patterns.
If the pattern of trees makes a forest then my pattern of symptoms would lead to a diagnosis. So like any good geologist, I got out my field notebook and began sketching out the layers of life that were impacting or being impacted by my symptoms.
It’s amazing that it takes catastrophe to look at the stratigraphy of our lives . Where is the fault? Where have we allowed the pressure to build to the breaking point. Where can we find small moments of release as to not completely shake loose our moorings later?
These insights along the rocky shore of healing has led me towards deeper inner wisdom and a softening of spirit. Patience, it seems, has been born of cleaving layers of sediment crashing through me. What else can you do with tremors, but ride them out, knowing this too shall pass and calm will be restored once again.
And in the calm lies stillness and elucidation; for from the pressure of living comes forth the diamond clarity of truth – all of life is an ebb and flow of pain, joy, suffering and love; leaving traces of each story to become fossilized in memory.
And in the calm, what I discovered classifying my pain and suffering was a pattern of excess and scarcity. It is between these two extremes a balance can be found. Overdoing it, taking on too much leads me down a path of deterioration. Doing too little leads to stagnation and eventually down the same path of deterioration.
However when conditions hover in the sweet spot between the two extremes; this yields a slow yet steady pace, allowing for the unexpected & reveling in its mystique. Set backs are no longer boulders blocking my way, but a chance to meander creatively around my inner space getting a fresh view, creating new neural pathways.
When we can witness our story, layer built upon layer, lessons and meaning emerge from the patterns. We can learn from our past, adjusting our patterns to create a path of fertile soil which holds within it the sediment of our memory, allowing for new growth and experience to ripple through our lives.
Wishing you a peaceful 2023.
Namaste
Inner Wisdom Meditation
Beginning Practice
Practice.
Beginning a meditation practice can be daunting. I have often heard, “Oh, I stopped because I couldn’t stop thinking,” or a similar statement. It’s a challenging stigma to overcome — meditation doesn’t mean your mind is blank, and it means we can lose the attachment to the thinking mind; we release the attachment to the thought.
Beginning a meditation practice can be daunting. I have often heard, “Oh, I stopped because I couldn’t stop thinking,” or a similar statement. It’s a challenging stigma to overcome — meditation doesn’t mean your mind is blank, and it means we can lose the attachment to the thinking mind; we release the attachment to the thought.
When I was first dipping my toes into the meditation pool, the easiest way I found was to view my thoughts as just something happening.
Like this: When you have a thought (it doesn’t matter what it is!), say to yourself, “there goes a thought,” and I guarantee you’ll have another one following right behind-“oh, look more thoughts.”
Thoughts come and go all day long. It’s not necessarily the thoughts that cause us stress but the attachment to specific thoughts. Replaying stressful situations or worrying about the future are both forms of this attachment.
Meditation allows us to learn how to find space and release our attachment to constant mind chatter. Over time, with consistent practice, we are able to sit with a calm mind. Outside meditation, the chatter quiets down, loses its hold on us, and we begin to live more mindfully with less attachment, stress, and worry.
If you are just beginning your practice, I recommend guided meditations as they provide a focal point for the mind’s eye. I have some short guided meditations, perfect for beginners or seasoned meditators, available on Insight Timer for you to explore.
Once comfortable with guided practice, try sitting for 1 minute. Yes, only 1. Trust me. Set a timer. It’s longer than you think if you are not used to sitting quietly. The first time I attempted this, I lasted about 35 seconds before checking the timer!
Patience. Practice. Perseverance.
Namaste.
Dandelion Doorways 