I realized today that I had yet to write an entire blog post since December 30th. I wondered for a moment how that could have happened when I set up reminders to write at least once a week. Clearly, I have been ignoring my reminders.
It did not take too much pondering to figure out what happened to my almost consistent schedule.
I slow down even more in the winter. Lazy evenings curled up with a good book -I’ve managed six since January 1st! An even mix of fiction and non-fiction that kept me hooked. The last book I read, This is Your Mind on Plants by Michael Pollen, was not what I expected. I thoroughly enjoy this discourse on how particular chemicals in plants have the ability to alter our lives for good or ill. The section regarding caffeine was delightfully engaging, to say the least. Pollen’s comments on the evolution of plants are very thought-provoking and make one wonder if humans are as innovative or advanced as we like to think. I highly recommend picking up this best-selling tome. Now in-between books, trying to decide what to read next as I am waiting for a book to call to me, as one always does.
Meanwhile, while I deliberate whether I dive into fiction or non, hubby and I are watching some binge-worthy tv. Our obsession is Shrinking and Ted Lasso, and both shows share writer Brett Goldstein who also plays foul-mouthed Roy Kent on Lasso. Of course, my favorite character! The show is delightful, and Jason Sudeikis is a trip to watch. We could all learn a little from his character. The empathy and kindness shown in moments of upheaval allow us to see there is always a higher path from which to act. The writers brilliantly move through topics such as divorce, anxiety, and coming to terms with one’s flaws in a way that touches the heart and tickles the funny bone. Yes – I have cried in every episode, usually followed by laughter that brings tears to my eyes. We are very much looking forward to season 3 only a month away!
W.B. DROPS BY FOR A VISIT
Anyway, I set aside time each weekend for writing, but recently, my friend writer’s block decided to visit. This used to frustrate me to no end, and I would attempt to force words to flow. Of course, this approach doesn’t work with words or life. We cannot force anything to happen and expect a pleasant outcome. Everything in its own time.
I sit at my laptop bright and early Sunday mornings, intent on bringing to life a new meditation, blog post, or next chapter of one of the two books I am working on. Sometimes I manage one sentence and find myself stuck. When this happens now, I walk away. If I continue to attempt to write well-developed content, it usually sounds choppy without any flow. Thus, it becomes an emotionless diatribe that begs to be deleted.
The other conundrum that precludes me from keeping a consistent schedule is migraines. It is impossible to think, let alone scribe a meaningful paragraph when your skull is throbbing, and there is a sensation of spiders crawling across the brain, not to mention the crazy visual disturbances and cognition issues. I am lucky if I can spell my name.
So I no longer set goals or deadlines. When things happen, they happen. I choose not to view myself as the victim of my health. Although challenging, my condition has allowed me to have patience and become more in tune with my body, mind, and spirit. If not for the migraines, I would not have found this path, which includes meditation, reiki, and yoga.
The relationship between my illness and path is not one of cause and effect; these aspects arise mutually when viewed from a witness perspective. It sounds cliche to insist that we discover our strengths through our weaknesses, yet it is profoundly true. Hardships arise when we are called to express our authentic truth. Do we have the wherewithal to open ourselves to the possibility of self-forgiveness and growth? Can we stand aside from our bias and see the situation from all sides, dropping the act of victimhood and taking responsibility for our choices and life path?
The things we want to bury and look away from become stepping stones to freedom if we muster the courage to face them head-on. It comes down to how we choose to deal with fear. I do not believe that FEAR is false evidence appearing real. FEAR is real. It is an evolutionary trait that assists in keeping us safe from harm. The problem lies in allowing fear to develop into anxiety. When we turn away from the fear instead of exploring it from a safe space, we can unwittingly encourage it to transform into debilitating stress and anxiety. Please do not think you should go at this alone. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your fears and learn how to shift your perspective toward transformation instead of stagnation. Fear can be used as a catalyst for change in the correct set and setting.
Remember, everyone experiences setbacks, anxiety, and fear at some point. Our human existence is a tapestry of emotion and experience uniquely our own yet shared by all. Again, by reminding myself of this interconnectedness, I can extricate myself from my thoughts and feelings, creating space for growth and understanding which invites me to live a more conscious life.
If you need help with anxiety, fear, or other mental health-related issues, please check out SAMHSA’s National Helpline.